And I repeat this mantra:
I am not my work.
As a self-employed person, this can be a hard nut to swallow. Our livelihoods depend on our work. And, if you're like me, you love your work. You coddle it. It's your baby--sometimes a colicky, maddening baby, but a baby you love no less.
What I am is the system of values, thoughts and behaviors that produce the product that is my work.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Recovering from Rejection
If you're running any kind of successful business at all, you're getting rejections. Because you're trying.
Still, sometimes nothing is harder to stomach than that most recent 'not at this time,' or simple silence. The obvious question--Why didn't they like it?--can quickly spin into How will I be able to pay my bills next month? (Because despite my general financial abundance, in my mind I'm always one check away from a spot in a homeless shelter.) Or it can easily become, This client has clearly seen into my soul and knows it's tarnished. (Because I think all creative people harbor some fear that we are can't hack it.)
Recently I got a one-two punch of rejections: one of a query and one with constructive criticism of a recent assignment. Both came from clients I love and with whom I have a steady, friendly relationship. Still, those emails bruised.
After my night of self-pity in front of some god-awful reality show, I knew that letting myself stay in that place will debilitate me.
So how to cope?
Well, one way is to consider the yogic concept of aparigraha--that is, nongrasping. In a past issue of Yoga Journal, Sally Kempton retells Ram Das's great story about this concept:
So the logical conclusion would be to separate the facts in those emails from those other bigger fears:
My financial serenity doesn't actually depend on that one assignment. That's what my business plan is for.
And one email from a client with constructive criticism of one story doesn't mean I can't hack this job. Those bigger fears, about financial security, talent and self-confidence are always there because they belong to me. They'll grasp onto any transient event to make themselves known to me--and to make me suffer.
My job is to pry their grubby little fingers off my worry-sick heart.
Simple clarity gets me half-way there, if I can let it in. The pry bar I use to separate fact from fear is meditation, which calms the mind, and deep breathing exercises that soothe the nervous system. My favorite goes this way:
Sit upright in a chair, bed, etc., and breath in deeply through your nose. Fill your chest with air.
At the top of the inhale, pause for three seconds.
Exhale deeply through your mouth. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale.
At the bottom of the exhale, pause for three seconds.
Repeat.
Then I write about those fears. I talk to other business owners about it and remind myself that I'm not the only one who feels that way.
The next thing, always, is to take action.
I can't use this rejection, real or imagined, to opt out of my business plan, which calls for three queries a week. So I send my third for the week and let the rest go.
Now that we've detached from the crazy associations between innocuous rejections and the big monkeys of fear and self-doubt, I think it's time to tackle that first question again:
Why didn't they like it?
For my own sanity and serenity, I need to make an honest appraisal of why my marketing effort didn't fly. Has the publication done something similar recently? Is it not timely enough? Does it need to be tweaked or finessed somehow?
Mostly, the reasons queries sell are mysterious to me. I often think that the sun has to be aligned with the stars just so, and the light has to be hitting the editor at just the right time, after just the right amount of coffee, for a query to sell. So, who knows? Really, unless the editor tells you, it's best not to assume it's you.
The key here is to ask yourself a different question: What can I learn from this situation?
And then move on.
And enjoy your holiday.
Still, sometimes nothing is harder to stomach than that most recent 'not at this time,' or simple silence. The obvious question--Why didn't they like it?--can quickly spin into How will I be able to pay my bills next month? (Because despite my general financial abundance, in my mind I'm always one check away from a spot in a homeless shelter.) Or it can easily become, This client has clearly seen into my soul and knows it's tarnished. (Because I think all creative people harbor some fear that we are can't hack it.)
Recently I got a one-two punch of rejections: one of a query and one with constructive criticism of a recent assignment. Both came from clients I love and with whom I have a steady, friendly relationship. Still, those emails bruised.
After my night of self-pity in front of some god-awful reality show, I knew that letting myself stay in that place will debilitate me.
So how to cope?
Well, one way is to consider the yogic concept of aparigraha--that is, nongrasping. In a past issue of Yoga Journal, Sally Kempton retells Ram Das's great story about this concept:
[Das] was telling a famous anecdote about the way you catch a monkey in India. You drop a handful of nuts into a jar with a small opening, he explained. The monkey puts his hand into the jar, grabs the nuts, and then finds that he can't get his fist out through the opening. If the monkey would just let go of the nuts, he could escape. But he won't.
Attachment leads to suffering, Ram Dass concluded. It's as simple as that: Detachment leads to freedom.
So the logical conclusion would be to separate the facts in those emails from those other bigger fears:
My financial serenity doesn't actually depend on that one assignment. That's what my business plan is for.
And one email from a client with constructive criticism of one story doesn't mean I can't hack this job. Those bigger fears, about financial security, talent and self-confidence are always there because they belong to me. They'll grasp onto any transient event to make themselves known to me--and to make me suffer.
My job is to pry their grubby little fingers off my worry-sick heart.
Simple clarity gets me half-way there, if I can let it in. The pry bar I use to separate fact from fear is meditation, which calms the mind, and deep breathing exercises that soothe the nervous system. My favorite goes this way:
Sit upright in a chair, bed, etc., and breath in deeply through your nose. Fill your chest with air.
At the top of the inhale, pause for three seconds.
Exhale deeply through your mouth. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale.
At the bottom of the exhale, pause for three seconds.
Repeat.
Then I write about those fears. I talk to other business owners about it and remind myself that I'm not the only one who feels that way.
The next thing, always, is to take action.
I can't use this rejection, real or imagined, to opt out of my business plan, which calls for three queries a week. So I send my third for the week and let the rest go.
Now that we've detached from the crazy associations between innocuous rejections and the big monkeys of fear and self-doubt, I think it's time to tackle that first question again:
Why didn't they like it?
For my own sanity and serenity, I need to make an honest appraisal of why my marketing effort didn't fly. Has the publication done something similar recently? Is it not timely enough? Does it need to be tweaked or finessed somehow?
Mostly, the reasons queries sell are mysterious to me. I often think that the sun has to be aligned with the stars just so, and the light has to be hitting the editor at just the right time, after just the right amount of coffee, for a query to sell. So, who knows? Really, unless the editor tells you, it's best not to assume it's you.
The key here is to ask yourself a different question: What can I learn from this situation?
And then move on.
And enjoy your holiday.
De-stressing on the Job
Dr. Herbert Benson is a very smart man. So smart, in fact, that he's founded his own mind-body medicine center at Mass General Hospital in Boston.
There are some great resources here for mini relaxation techniques and exercises that can loosen up your body on the job. But what I was most interested in was his list of ways to avoid job stress.
Among them are some concrete tips that no doubt help:
* Eat breakfast every morning.
* Ocassionally mix up your breakfast routine by starting the day with a leisurely breakfast with a coworker.
* Organize your work priorities.
* Speak up about petty annoyances.
* Optimize your health with good nutrition, sleep and rest.
* Don't try to do 2 or 3 things at a time.
Others are more metaphysical, like:
* Look at unavoidable stress as an avenue for growth and change.
I love that one because it reminds me that stress is inevitable. In fact, stress can be good. The challenge there, and the work, is to figure out what's avoidable stress and what's not--and then letting go of resisting the unavoidable. It's a paradigm shift that requires regular attention.
There are many others, and you should check them out for yourself. See which ones you're good at and which you'd like to add to your serenity toolbox.
But then there is at least one of the easier-said-than-done variety.
* Don't try to be perfect. Don't feel like you have to do everything.
This, I think, is the crux of avoidable--and toxic--stress. At least for me. How do we do that, though? Perhaps some of the other tips will help:
* Develop a coworker support network: If you have friends in your industry with whom you can share your frustrations or, hey, if you can create a blog about it, you're less likely to be alone with that crazy voice in your head that tells you that you aren't doing enough and so you aren't enough.
* Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help: The more you try to do it alone, the more you're likely to believe you have to--and that whatever you do has to be perfect.
* Take deep breaths when you're feeling stressed.
How do you tackle the easier-said-than-done stress-busting axioms?
There are some great resources here for mini relaxation techniques and exercises that can loosen up your body on the job. But what I was most interested in was his list of ways to avoid job stress.
Among them are some concrete tips that no doubt help:
* Eat breakfast every morning.
* Ocassionally mix up your breakfast routine by starting the day with a leisurely breakfast with a coworker.
* Organize your work priorities.
* Speak up about petty annoyances.
* Optimize your health with good nutrition, sleep and rest.
* Don't try to do 2 or 3 things at a time.
Others are more metaphysical, like:
* Look at unavoidable stress as an avenue for growth and change.
I love that one because it reminds me that stress is inevitable. In fact, stress can be good. The challenge there, and the work, is to figure out what's avoidable stress and what's not--and then letting go of resisting the unavoidable. It's a paradigm shift that requires regular attention.
There are many others, and you should check them out for yourself. See which ones you're good at and which you'd like to add to your serenity toolbox.
But then there is at least one of the easier-said-than-done variety.
* Don't try to be perfect. Don't feel like you have to do everything.
This, I think, is the crux of avoidable--and toxic--stress. At least for me. How do we do that, though? Perhaps some of the other tips will help:
* Develop a coworker support network: If you have friends in your industry with whom you can share your frustrations or, hey, if you can create a blog about it, you're less likely to be alone with that crazy voice in your head that tells you that you aren't doing enough and so you aren't enough.
* Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help: The more you try to do it alone, the more you're likely to believe you have to--and that whatever you do has to be perfect.
* Take deep breaths when you're feeling stressed.
How do you tackle the easier-said-than-done stress-busting axioms?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Serenity Tip: Stopping the Food Fight
Recently, a freelancer asked a very smart question, which boiled down to:
How do I generate the energy to do my work without resorting to sugar highs or caffeine addiction?
During this holiday season, you may be engaging in the annual ritual of fighting with yourself about your eating. This isn't just a waistline issue. Sitting at a desk all day and eating sugary treats creates that sugar-high-sugar-coma crash that can kill your productiving and--yes--increase your anxiety about getting your work done. A more sane and serene way of dealing with getting energy is the stuff that every nutritionist will tell you: keep almonds and an apple in your desk for that craving hour (for me, it's 3 p.m.). Get some exercise. Take a break when you need it.
I'm not just preaching. As someone who has lost 85 pounds in the past four years, I walk this talk every day. For me, it means that I don't eat processed sugar at all anymore. And I survive! In fact, after a little bit, I don't really miss it. It's the constantly having a little taste and then trying to restrain myself that makes me crazy, not giving it up entirely. And, actually, as soon as I gave up sugar my energy level shot up, I assume because I wasn't stressing my body with major insulin fluctuations.
But don't panic. I'm not telling you that you have to give up sugar. What I'm saying is that having sane energy--that doesn't make you crash later--is possible.
In a Yahoo! Hot Jobs story I did recently, I talked to experts about how to avoid poor eating at work. Here's one of my favorite quotes:
The good news is, as the boss, you have the ability to control your work environment: You can plan snacks and work events that feature healthy food instead of junk food. You have the ability to plan your meals ahead.
The problem, of course, is that as a self-employed person who may work at home, you might be tempted to rest at work by hitting the fridge that's full of kids' snacks, leftovers and sugary treats. Here's how I deal with it, because I live in a house with all that stuff, too:
Proximity
My office is on the other side of the house from the kitchen. This cuts down on temptation and frees me from the dreaded smell of other people cooking. If it's possible for you to do so, claim a room far from your kitchen for your work space.
Distract yourself
I find that if I distract myself for 15 minutes from my cravings, they pass. The same goes for coping with writer's block. Instead of heading to the kitchen when I hit a patch of writer's block or when 3 p.m. roles around, I visit my favorite guilty-pleasure Web sites. For me, those are:
* Cute Overload
* Go Fug Yourself, for all your catty fashion needs.
* SFist, but any -ist near you will work.
Exercise
This is both a way to increase energy and to cope with the draw of sugary treats. Victoria Strauss on the Writer Beware! blog recently featured a study that found that people who exercise are more creative for the hour or two after they've exercised. As a general rule, I try to make it to the gym two to three times a week during the day. Instead of detracting from my work, this study shows what I've experienced: my work is augmented, not injured, by my exercise break.
The same goes for yoga. A morning yoga routine full of energizing poses like warrior, camel or side angle pose can get the blood flowing and give you a different kind of jolt than that sugar-and-caffeine bomb of an energy drink.
How do I generate the energy to do my work without resorting to sugar highs or caffeine addiction?
During this holiday season, you may be engaging in the annual ritual of fighting with yourself about your eating. This isn't just a waistline issue. Sitting at a desk all day and eating sugary treats creates that sugar-high-sugar-coma crash that can kill your productiving and--yes--increase your anxiety about getting your work done. A more sane and serene way of dealing with getting energy is the stuff that every nutritionist will tell you: keep almonds and an apple in your desk for that craving hour (for me, it's 3 p.m.). Get some exercise. Take a break when you need it.
I'm not just preaching. As someone who has lost 85 pounds in the past four years, I walk this talk every day. For me, it means that I don't eat processed sugar at all anymore. And I survive! In fact, after a little bit, I don't really miss it. It's the constantly having a little taste and then trying to restrain myself that makes me crazy, not giving it up entirely. And, actually, as soon as I gave up sugar my energy level shot up, I assume because I wasn't stressing my body with major insulin fluctuations.
But don't panic. I'm not telling you that you have to give up sugar. What I'm saying is that having sane energy--that doesn't make you crash later--is possible.
In a Yahoo! Hot Jobs story I did recently, I talked to experts about how to avoid poor eating at work. Here's one of my favorite quotes:
"People are most successful in healthy eating when they can control their environment, as opposed to being in a negative environment and trying to control themselves," says nutritionist Katherine Tallmadge, author of "Diet Simple."
The good news is, as the boss, you have the ability to control your work environment: You can plan snacks and work events that feature healthy food instead of junk food. You have the ability to plan your meals ahead.
The problem, of course, is that as a self-employed person who may work at home, you might be tempted to rest at work by hitting the fridge that's full of kids' snacks, leftovers and sugary treats. Here's how I deal with it, because I live in a house with all that stuff, too:
Proximity
My office is on the other side of the house from the kitchen. This cuts down on temptation and frees me from the dreaded smell of other people cooking. If it's possible for you to do so, claim a room far from your kitchen for your work space.
Distract yourself
I find that if I distract myself for 15 minutes from my cravings, they pass. The same goes for coping with writer's block. Instead of heading to the kitchen when I hit a patch of writer's block or when 3 p.m. roles around, I visit my favorite guilty-pleasure Web sites. For me, those are:
* Cute Overload
* Go Fug Yourself, for all your catty fashion needs.
* SFist, but any -ist near you will work.
Exercise
This is both a way to increase energy and to cope with the draw of sugary treats. Victoria Strauss on the Writer Beware! blog recently featured a study that found that people who exercise are more creative for the hour or two after they've exercised. As a general rule, I try to make it to the gym two to three times a week during the day. Instead of detracting from my work, this study shows what I've experienced: my work is augmented, not injured, by my exercise break.
The same goes for yoga. A morning yoga routine full of energizing poses like warrior, camel or side angle pose can get the blood flowing and give you a different kind of jolt than that sugar-and-caffeine bomb of an energy drink.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Serenity Tip: Estimate your taxes
I did something this weekend that I've never done before:
I asked my accountant to estimate how much, if any, taxes I should expect to pay in April.
I've been paying my quarterly taxes faithfully, but since my income went up this year, I'm unclear if I may need to pay more come April.
This estimate is especially important right now, in the waning days of FY 2007. There's office equipment I want to buy. I have fantasies of new software, hardware and some fun things, like that flat-screen cinema display I don't really need but would be awful sweet to look at every day. And then there's the health necessities: ergonomic desk and chair. In other words, I could spend all the money I have saved or taxes and still want more.
For me to do this office equipment spending sanely, I need to avoid using a credit card. I know--fiscal blasphemy! How ever will I survive?!--Well, I'll tell you: I haven't used a credit card for more than a year now and I haven't had any calamities that have required plastic. So as I consider stocking my office with all the newest and greatest, I know that serenity will come from doing so in a sane, manageable way that doesn't increase my debt burden next year.
That's where my accountant comes in:
I send him my estimated income for the year. (Which I have, happily, because I've been working hard this year on maintaining clarity about every penny that comes in.)
I sent him my estimated spending for the year. (Actually, except for the spending I have yet to do at the end of this month, it's more like actual because I use a little Walgreens notebook to record my spending daily, personal and professional.)
And now I wait to find out: Should I save more? Is there money for office equipment? And if so, how much is available?
This is very exciting for me. In the past, I would have spent blindly and hoped that money would appear to cover it. I'd be scrimping and saving next year for this year's taxes, and then worry about being able to pay my quarterlies. I'm hopping off that merry-go-round.
Not trying to guess not only keeps me current with our friends at the IRS, but keeps me much, much more serene.
I asked my accountant to estimate how much, if any, taxes I should expect to pay in April.
I've been paying my quarterly taxes faithfully, but since my income went up this year, I'm unclear if I may need to pay more come April.
This estimate is especially important right now, in the waning days of FY 2007. There's office equipment I want to buy. I have fantasies of new software, hardware and some fun things, like that flat-screen cinema display I don't really need but would be awful sweet to look at every day. And then there's the health necessities: ergonomic desk and chair. In other words, I could spend all the money I have saved or taxes and still want more.
For me to do this office equipment spending sanely, I need to avoid using a credit card. I know--fiscal blasphemy! How ever will I survive?!--Well, I'll tell you: I haven't used a credit card for more than a year now and I haven't had any calamities that have required plastic. So as I consider stocking my office with all the newest and greatest, I know that serenity will come from doing so in a sane, manageable way that doesn't increase my debt burden next year.
That's where my accountant comes in:
I send him my estimated income for the year. (Which I have, happily, because I've been working hard this year on maintaining clarity about every penny that comes in.)
I sent him my estimated spending for the year. (Actually, except for the spending I have yet to do at the end of this month, it's more like actual because I use a little Walgreens notebook to record my spending daily, personal and professional.)
And now I wait to find out: Should I save more? Is there money for office equipment? And if so, how much is available?
This is very exciting for me. In the past, I would have spent blindly and hoped that money would appear to cover it. I'd be scrimping and saving next year for this year's taxes, and then worry about being able to pay my quarterlies. I'm hopping off that merry-go-round.
Not trying to guess not only keeps me current with our friends at the IRS, but keeps me much, much more serene.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Serenity Tip: Invoice Tracking
If you're anything like me, by about the 15th of the month you start getting nervous about money. Since my income comes in in drips and drabs, my daily trip to the mailbox can feel like scaling the Andes. By the time I get there, I'm exhausted from my mental machinations: If I get this check in today, all is right with the world. I'm making it! I'm doing it! If not: Oh my god, I'm going to starve! Who am I fooling thinking I can do this for years on end?
Now, as someone who has been doing this for a few years now, I have to say: Jump off that treadmill, and fast.
There is one thing I've found that relieves this particularly tenacious brand of crazy:
Clarity
I can't overstate how important clarity is to my serenity. It gives me a sense of whether what I'm feeling is something I should really be worrying about or whether it's just a way I rob myself of serenity in the name of preparing for the worst.
For me, clarity in this case means keeping a Microsoft Word doc of my monthly income, expenses, etc. (I just re-save the same document with a different name every month.) Here's what' most important for keeping me clear about whether I need to be worrying about money. I keep a section that's called "Expected vs. Actual income." In it, I include the following categories:
* Client from whom I'm expecting a check this month
* Expected income
* Actual income
I keep this category blank till the check arrives, obviously; this category is helpful in showing me how often clients meeet payment deadlines and how often they don't. It's good info to have when I work on my business plan for the next year. If they don't pay on time, that's a factor I take into account when I decide which clients to keep and which to forgo in the coming year.
* Expected date the check will arrive
This estimate is based on past payment performance--that is, how quickly has this client paid in the past?--and what's stated in my contract. Actual performance always carries more weight.
* Actual date the check arrived.
This one is useful in the same way that "Actual income" is useful in my future business planning.
So when I woke up this morning and felt the anxiety rising in my chest about my income, I clicked open that document and took a gander. Here's what I found:
* I'm only missing three checks.
* One will arrive next week, so don't worry about that.
* One, I called the client already to inquire about it and if it doesn't arrive today, I'll call to check in again.
* The other is outstanding for two months.
Instead of feeling like a victim of my freelance life, I picked up the phone. I called Accounts Payable for that company and asked about it.
"Email me your invoice," said the very nice lady on the other end of the line. "I'm cutting checks today and I'll cut one for you, too."
Well, thank you.
See? How hard was that? I tell myself.
The answer: It's both harder and easier to pick up the phone and get clarity than it is to sit here and complain about how beleaguered I am. Harder, because it requires me to face the music. I might have to face the fact that it won't come in this month, either. Easier because once I did that, I released a tremendous amount of energy, that I can now spend on my work instead of on worrying.
Try it and see how it works for you.
Now, as someone who has been doing this for a few years now, I have to say: Jump off that treadmill, and fast.
There is one thing I've found that relieves this particularly tenacious brand of crazy:
Clarity
I can't overstate how important clarity is to my serenity. It gives me a sense of whether what I'm feeling is something I should really be worrying about or whether it's just a way I rob myself of serenity in the name of preparing for the worst.
For me, clarity in this case means keeping a Microsoft Word doc of my monthly income, expenses, etc. (I just re-save the same document with a different name every month.) Here's what' most important for keeping me clear about whether I need to be worrying about money. I keep a section that's called "Expected vs. Actual income." In it, I include the following categories:
* Client from whom I'm expecting a check this month
* Expected income
* Actual income
I keep this category blank till the check arrives, obviously; this category is helpful in showing me how often clients meeet payment deadlines and how often they don't. It's good info to have when I work on my business plan for the next year. If they don't pay on time, that's a factor I take into account when I decide which clients to keep and which to forgo in the coming year.
* Expected date the check will arrive
This estimate is based on past payment performance--that is, how quickly has this client paid in the past?--and what's stated in my contract. Actual performance always carries more weight.
* Actual date the check arrived.
This one is useful in the same way that "Actual income" is useful in my future business planning.
So when I woke up this morning and felt the anxiety rising in my chest about my income, I clicked open that document and took a gander. Here's what I found:
* I'm only missing three checks.
* One will arrive next week, so don't worry about that.
* One, I called the client already to inquire about it and if it doesn't arrive today, I'll call to check in again.
* The other is outstanding for two months.
Instead of feeling like a victim of my freelance life, I picked up the phone. I called Accounts Payable for that company and asked about it.
"Email me your invoice," said the very nice lady on the other end of the line. "I'm cutting checks today and I'll cut one for you, too."
Well, thank you.
See? How hard was that? I tell myself.
The answer: It's both harder and easier to pick up the phone and get clarity than it is to sit here and complain about how beleaguered I am. Harder, because it requires me to face the music. I might have to face the fact that it won't come in this month, either. Easier because once I did that, I released a tremendous amount of energy, that I can now spend on my work instead of on worrying.
Try it and see how it works for you.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The Serenity Privilege
I just got off the phone with source for an unrelated story. When I mentioned this blog and somewhat self-satisfiedly mentioned that my goal with it is "encourage people to do work they love, and that will increase serenity serenity," she dropped this bomb:
"Well, you're coming from a place of privilege, then, aren't you."
Ouch. And, true.
Once I got past my eensy bit of offense, I understood what she meant: That to be able to choose work you love is a privilege in a culture where most people have to take any job they can to pay the bills. She added that it takes a lot more work to find serenity in the latter situation.
I mention this here because I think a lot of self-employed people are in this position: We may be the masters of our domain because we can add or drop clients at will, but most of us aren't making enough money to drop any client who pisses us off, doesn't respond to emails promptly or pays late. Most of us need to take the work offered to us because we aren't making enough money to even live on. In my industry, I've heard that the average yearly income is something like $5,000. So people earning that amount don't really have the privilege to say no.
So, two thoughts:
First, I think it's important to differentiate between the anxiety of deprivation and a true inability to support yourself. I know a lot of freelancers take work that doesn't feed them because of fear, not reality. To them, I still say letting go of work can create serenity.
But second, this source said that it's still possible to find serenity if you're in a position of being unable to choose your clients. "It's more Buddhist," she said. "It takes a greater strength of character."
Not long ago, I was earning considerably less than I'm earning now. And I still worked on my serenity. Some of that serenity came from just knowing that there was a real reason for my stress. Yes, I don't have enough money this month. Yes, I need to spend more energy finding stop-gap solutions to my cash flow problems while also focusing on the future.
During that time, harm reduction was especially important for me. I tried to contain my overworking. I took baths. I gave myself enough sleep and healthy food. I tried not to make things harder on myself. That, to me, was the closest I could come to serenity.
Then, I focused on what I could control: how many queries am I sending out this week? Am I targetting higher paying clients or the same old clients who aren't paying me enough right now? Where am I spending what little energy I have left?
What are your ways of creating serenity when you are trapped by your income?
"Well, you're coming from a place of privilege, then, aren't you."
Ouch. And, true.
Once I got past my eensy bit of offense, I understood what she meant: That to be able to choose work you love is a privilege in a culture where most people have to take any job they can to pay the bills. She added that it takes a lot more work to find serenity in the latter situation.
I mention this here because I think a lot of self-employed people are in this position: We may be the masters of our domain because we can add or drop clients at will, but most of us aren't making enough money to drop any client who pisses us off, doesn't respond to emails promptly or pays late. Most of us need to take the work offered to us because we aren't making enough money to even live on. In my industry, I've heard that the average yearly income is something like $5,000. So people earning that amount don't really have the privilege to say no.
So, two thoughts:
First, I think it's important to differentiate between the anxiety of deprivation and a true inability to support yourself. I know a lot of freelancers take work that doesn't feed them because of fear, not reality. To them, I still say letting go of work can create serenity.
But second, this source said that it's still possible to find serenity if you're in a position of being unable to choose your clients. "It's more Buddhist," she said. "It takes a greater strength of character."
Not long ago, I was earning considerably less than I'm earning now. And I still worked on my serenity. Some of that serenity came from just knowing that there was a real reason for my stress. Yes, I don't have enough money this month. Yes, I need to spend more energy finding stop-gap solutions to my cash flow problems while also focusing on the future.
During that time, harm reduction was especially important for me. I tried to contain my overworking. I took baths. I gave myself enough sleep and healthy food. I tried not to make things harder on myself. That, to me, was the closest I could come to serenity.
Then, I focused on what I could control: how many queries am I sending out this week? Am I targetting higher paying clients or the same old clients who aren't paying me enough right now? Where am I spending what little energy I have left?
What are your ways of creating serenity when you are trapped by your income?
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