I just got off the phone with source for an unrelated story. When I mentioned this blog and somewhat self-satisfiedly mentioned that my goal with it is "encourage people to do work they love, and that will increase serenity serenity," she dropped this bomb:
"Well, you're coming from a place of privilege, then, aren't you."
Ouch. And, true.
Once I got past my eensy bit of offense, I understood what she meant: That to be able to choose work you love is a privilege in a culture where most people have to take any job they can to pay the bills. She added that it takes a lot more work to find serenity in the latter situation.
I mention this here because I think a lot of self-employed people are in this position: We may be the masters of our domain because we can add or drop clients at will, but most of us aren't making enough money to drop any client who pisses us off, doesn't respond to emails promptly or pays late. Most of us need to take the work offered to us because we aren't making enough money to even live on. In my industry, I've heard that the average yearly income is something like $5,000. So people earning that amount don't really have the privilege to say no.
So, two thoughts:
First, I think it's important to differentiate between the anxiety of deprivation and a true inability to support yourself. I know a lot of freelancers take work that doesn't feed them because of fear, not reality. To them, I still say letting go of work can create serenity.
But second, this source said that it's still possible to find serenity if you're in a position of being unable to choose your clients. "It's more Buddhist," she said. "It takes a greater strength of character."
Not long ago, I was earning considerably less than I'm earning now. And I still worked on my serenity. Some of that serenity came from just knowing that there was a real reason for my stress. Yes, I don't have enough money this month. Yes, I need to spend more energy finding stop-gap solutions to my cash flow problems while also focusing on the future.
During that time, harm reduction was especially important for me. I tried to contain my overworking. I took baths. I gave myself enough sleep and healthy food. I tried not to make things harder on myself. That, to me, was the closest I could come to serenity.
Then, I focused on what I could control: how many queries am I sending out this week? Am I targetting higher paying clients or the same old clients who aren't paying me enough right now? Where am I spending what little energy I have left?
What are your ways of creating serenity when you are trapped by your income?
Showing posts with label deprivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deprivation. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Serenity Enemy: Deprivation
As I go into planning my business's year in 2008, I am experiencing a familiar feeling:
Deprivation
Recently, I did a story for the San Francisco Chronicle on homeowners feelings of deprivation as the housing market implodes. Though I'm not in that situation, I think the way therapist Bill Horstman describes deprivation's effects apply to business owners, too.
Do you have any of these symptoms?
1. Sleep disturbances: "If you find yourself trying to go to sleep or waking up (thinking about finances), that's usually one of the first signs" of stress. Horstman recommends sleeping pills, but I'll share my own recommendation: meditation.
I've heard it said that you should meditate every day, except when you're stressed. Then you should meditate twice a day. When I've been in a particularly rough patch with work or waiting for checks to come in, I meditate in the morning and at night. Especially the nighttime meditation seems to ease me into sleep. While I'm meditating, I imagine opening my fist and letting all my concerns drop into the ether. I do this as often and as long as I need to to relax.
2. Overworking: "If folks are constantly in a state of financial woes, they will skip the activities that have historically been their own private mental, spiritual and social way of relaxing," he said. "Instead, they step on the gas of more work. Although this may atone their sense of guilt, it causes burn out and actually decreases work productivity. Thus, the more hours worked, the less accomplished."
Sound familiar? He doesn't offer solutions here, but this is exactly why I put "gym" and "meditation" and "yoga" on my to-do list every single day. I have to create artificial boundaries around work, lest I allow myself to sink into the mire of my own worry. This is where, I think, you develop that serenity muscle to which I'm so fond of referring.
3. Isolating: All small-business owners fret over cash flow. It's an occupational hazard. But when was the last time you sat down with a group of similarly-employed people and vented about that check that's late or your own poor planning? Turns out, that's normal, too--especially for stressed people worried about others' opinions.
"If people have seen you as upper-middle class or being able to do just fine and suddenly you feel in trouble financially, you may not want to break what you think is others' image of you," advised Horstman. "So people withdraw from their social group. It's a shame because if they went to friends and said, 'I feel god-awful, what are you feeling?' they're likely to find that people aren't that judgmental."
So lay it on me: What's your work stress? What's your money stress? Don't hold it in!
4. Canceling vacations: Are you cutting out your holiday vacation for fear that spending money now will mean less money later? Don't do it, warned Horstman.
"People think it's a good idea to cut back on vacations but the real thing to do is cut back on the way you vacation--not the vacation itself," said Horstman. "It's stress reduction and a type of self-care, but it's also getting your mind off things. If you go on a camping trip, you'll feel great and you'll be refreshed. Generally, the less it costs, the more relaxing and fun it is, and then you won't have to pay for it with future guilt and worry."
Deprivation
Recently, I did a story for the San Francisco Chronicle on homeowners feelings of deprivation as the housing market implodes. Though I'm not in that situation, I think the way therapist Bill Horstman describes deprivation's effects apply to business owners, too.
Do you have any of these symptoms?
1. Sleep disturbances: "If you find yourself trying to go to sleep or waking up (thinking about finances), that's usually one of the first signs" of stress. Horstman recommends sleeping pills, but I'll share my own recommendation: meditation.
I've heard it said that you should meditate every day, except when you're stressed. Then you should meditate twice a day. When I've been in a particularly rough patch with work or waiting for checks to come in, I meditate in the morning and at night. Especially the nighttime meditation seems to ease me into sleep. While I'm meditating, I imagine opening my fist and letting all my concerns drop into the ether. I do this as often and as long as I need to to relax.
2. Overworking: "If folks are constantly in a state of financial woes, they will skip the activities that have historically been their own private mental, spiritual and social way of relaxing," he said. "Instead, they step on the gas of more work. Although this may atone their sense of guilt, it causes burn out and actually decreases work productivity. Thus, the more hours worked, the less accomplished."
Sound familiar? He doesn't offer solutions here, but this is exactly why I put "gym" and "meditation" and "yoga" on my to-do list every single day. I have to create artificial boundaries around work, lest I allow myself to sink into the mire of my own worry. This is where, I think, you develop that serenity muscle to which I'm so fond of referring.
3. Isolating: All small-business owners fret over cash flow. It's an occupational hazard. But when was the last time you sat down with a group of similarly-employed people and vented about that check that's late or your own poor planning? Turns out, that's normal, too--especially for stressed people worried about others' opinions.
"If people have seen you as upper-middle class or being able to do just fine and suddenly you feel in trouble financially, you may not want to break what you think is others' image of you," advised Horstman. "So people withdraw from their social group. It's a shame because if they went to friends and said, 'I feel god-awful, what are you feeling?' they're likely to find that people aren't that judgmental."
So lay it on me: What's your work stress? What's your money stress? Don't hold it in!
4. Canceling vacations: Are you cutting out your holiday vacation for fear that spending money now will mean less money later? Don't do it, warned Horstman.
"People think it's a good idea to cut back on vacations but the real thing to do is cut back on the way you vacation--not the vacation itself," said Horstman. "It's stress reduction and a type of self-care, but it's also getting your mind off things. If you go on a camping trip, you'll feel great and you'll be refreshed. Generally, the less it costs, the more relaxing and fun it is, and then you won't have to pay for it with future guilt and worry."
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