Happy Holidays, all! To spread the joy off the season, I've linked below to the posts that make me feel most serene, most loved and most connected, even in my business life. This is a follow up to a post I made last week about the most popular posts during the first year of this blog. Consider this a gift of serenity, loving-kindness and gratitude for letting me share what I've learned over the past year.
What Serenity Isn't. Serenity won't fix you. Putting it in perspective, though, will make it more accessible.
What Serenity Is. Finding serenity is an oft-overused phrase. Let's get to the heart of what it can mean practically to you in your business.
What's Your 1 Percent? Want to know if you're about to lose your serenity by focusing on something out of your control? Use this as your guide.
Serenity Tip: Resiliency. We can't plan for everything--no matter how good our business plan. What we can do is cultivate a life that supports us bouncing back from difficult situations.
Serenity Enemy: Deprivation. As you look at the enormity of the task ahead--especially if you're aware that you need to increase your income drastically--you may be feeling especially poor, especially stress and especially deprived. Here are some ways to cope with that feeling.
The Serenity of Support. It's not just Karen who gets a lot out of support for her business. I find it crucial to my ability to focus on what I can control and let go of what I can't. Here's how.
The Serenity Muscle. Developing serenity in your business, just like developing a thriving career, takes discipline.
The Letting Go Tool Kit. Surrendering what you have no control of is especially hard when it can determine whether your business succeeds. Do it anyway. Here's how.
Cultivating Persistence. A little word of wisdom about passion from This American Life's Ira Glass.
A Word About Forgiveness. A meditation practice for those days when your clients, your sources and your colleagues are just driving you up a wall.
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letting go. Show all posts
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
30-Day Organizing Challenge: Day 10
Today's challege: Let it go.
I've written about letting go in this blog before, but never in this context. Today, guest blogger and organizing expert June Bell takes on the challenge of how to determine what needs to stay and what, though you love it, needs to go. For questions or advice on organizing issues, feel free to email June directly at junebell at aol dot com. To suggest more subjects for the challenge, comment below.
Should it stay or should it go?
In my last post, I nudged you toward organization by suggesting you start small. That was the encouragement some of you were waiting for.
But for others, the mere suggestion that you toss what you don’t need induced panic, denial and other fearsome emotions. If that describes you – and if it does, you’re definitely not alone – you may need to take a different approach to organizing.
Remember that “getting organized” is not equivalent to “getting rid of all my stuff.” Organizing is not merely purging – it’s about finding ways to make your environment a place where you can function efficiently,and be surrounded by what you love.
For many people, letting go of unneeded items is much easier if they know that this “clutter” will find a good home elsewhere. This knowledge was a huge help last week to Linda, one of my clients.
We spent a morning emptying her kitchen cabinets and examining the contents. On the shelves above the fridge, she found a dusty tortilla warmer, an unopened box of blue and white tile trivets, an electric can opener and an iced-tea maker. Some were wedding gifts older than her teenager. Others were purchased with the best intentions, used once and then relegated to culinary Siberia.
She agreed she did not want or need these things but wavered on saying goodbye to them. After all, she’d kept them so long. She might want them again someday. Some were wedding gifts. Some were from her deceased mother-in-law.
Then Linda realized that her cleaning woman, Lupe, had a large network of friends who would not only gratefully receive these items but would also appreciate and use them. She quickly filled two large plastic storage bins with her surplus and set them aside for Lupe.
Here are some suggestions on how to ease the sting of letting go of stuff you don’t want or need:
Find someone who needs it more than you do. Give that polka-dotted scarf to your niece for dress-up. Donate your old PC to a teen mentor program. Or list your stuff on craigslist or freecycle with a note that you’d like them to go a charity or school.
Don’t confuse an object with a person. You will always fondly remember your favorite aunt regardless of whether you keep the itchy mustard-color afghan she knitted for you years ago.
Consider an item’s karma. Hanging on to love letters from a two-faced, cheatin’ SOB creates a little cloud of funk in your home. Ditto for gifts you hate, clothing that’s too small or outdated and items you don’t like anymore. Let go and go on.
Next week: I’ll show you how to team up with a friend to make organizing easier and even, yes, fun.
[Ed Note: I'm curious: What do you have the hardest time letting go? Is there something people are always telling you to get rid of? Why do you keep it?]
I've written about letting go in this blog before, but never in this context. Today, guest blogger and organizing expert June Bell takes on the challenge of how to determine what needs to stay and what, though you love it, needs to go. For questions or advice on organizing issues, feel free to email June directly at junebell at aol dot com. To suggest more subjects for the challenge, comment below.
Should it stay or should it go?
In my last post, I nudged you toward organization by suggesting you start small. That was the encouragement some of you were waiting for.
But for others, the mere suggestion that you toss what you don’t need induced panic, denial and other fearsome emotions. If that describes you – and if it does, you’re definitely not alone – you may need to take a different approach to organizing.
Remember that “getting organized” is not equivalent to “getting rid of all my stuff.” Organizing is not merely purging – it’s about finding ways to make your environment a place where you can function efficiently,and be surrounded by what you love.
For many people, letting go of unneeded items is much easier if they know that this “clutter” will find a good home elsewhere. This knowledge was a huge help last week to Linda, one of my clients.
We spent a morning emptying her kitchen cabinets and examining the contents. On the shelves above the fridge, she found a dusty tortilla warmer, an unopened box of blue and white tile trivets, an electric can opener and an iced-tea maker. Some were wedding gifts older than her teenager. Others were purchased with the best intentions, used once and then relegated to culinary Siberia.
She agreed she did not want or need these things but wavered on saying goodbye to them. After all, she’d kept them so long. She might want them again someday. Some were wedding gifts. Some were from her deceased mother-in-law.
Then Linda realized that her cleaning woman, Lupe, had a large network of friends who would not only gratefully receive these items but would also appreciate and use them. She quickly filled two large plastic storage bins with her surplus and set them aside for Lupe.
Here are some suggestions on how to ease the sting of letting go of stuff you don’t want or need:
Find someone who needs it more than you do. Give that polka-dotted scarf to your niece for dress-up. Donate your old PC to a teen mentor program. Or list your stuff on craigslist or freecycle with a note that you’d like them to go a charity or school.
Don’t confuse an object with a person. You will always fondly remember your favorite aunt regardless of whether you keep the itchy mustard-color afghan she knitted for you years ago.
Consider an item’s karma. Hanging on to love letters from a two-faced, cheatin’ SOB creates a little cloud of funk in your home. Ditto for gifts you hate, clothing that’s too small or outdated and items you don’t like anymore. Let go and go on.
Next week: I’ll show you how to team up with a friend to make organizing easier and even, yes, fun.
[Ed Note: I'm curious: What do you have the hardest time letting go? Is there something people are always telling you to get rid of? Why do you keep it?]
Thursday, April 3, 2008
A Meditation for Letting Go
I'm preparing to send a query this morning to a dream market. For the writers in the audience, the feeling associated with such a task is well known: The panic beforehand, the self-doubt, the obsessive thinking about it (whether it's loving the idea or fearing the response). For non-writers, it's the same as targeting some marketing at a big fish. You feel that it could change your life.
OK, now send the marketing and let it go.
.... Right.
Knowing that today is the day, I started the day with some writing:
* What am I afraid of when I think of sending the query?
* What's also true?
What I found was that I was telling myself all kinds of negative things about my talents and skills--that I shouldn't bother because it won't work anyway. And then I reminded myself of a few key truths:
* I'm powerless over my clients' workflow, cashflow, and other priorities--including whether my story works for them or not.
* Fear is normal before stepping outside your comfort zone.
And then I settled in for morning meditation. Here's the meditation I do every morning, and can be applied to anything in your life--but is especially important when you're getting ready to do marketing:
1. Settle in to your spot. Take several deep breaths, close your eyes and focus your thoughts on the middle distance, the cloudy fantasy world behind your eyes.
2. Now imagine yourself standing someplace serene and open your arms out to the side.
3. Think of the things you need to let go of: This can be the query, that fight you had with your mother-in-law or partner, your ego about another pitch getting rejected. But what I did this morning was envision my query--a single sheet of paper--unfurling from my center (the gut, or solar-plexus chakra, house of your power), unraveling up my chest, down my arm and away from my hand.
4. Keep breathing. As you let it go, take a deep exhale.
5. Imagine it now floating away. Feel what it feels like for it to leave you and for you to have no more control over it. Whatever panic, fear, etc., that comes up, notice it. But let that go, too--as if it were the strings hanging from a kite.
6. Take more deep breaths and keep imagining it till your anxiety response lessens and disappears.
7. Focus on that disappearing query with your mind's eye and fill it with love. Wish it well on its journey.
8. Imagine an unseen force scooping it up and taking it away. It belongs to your higher power now. Let it go. It's being taken care of.
Rinse and repeat. In other words, you may need to do this for up to two weeks before it takes. Letting go is a process not an event. Keep working at it--and then come up with alternative markets for your query, prepare it to go should your dream market foolishly pass on it, and talk talk talk to colleagues about it.
OK, now send the marketing and let it go.
.... Right.
Knowing that today is the day, I started the day with some writing:
* What am I afraid of when I think of sending the query?
* What's also true?
What I found was that I was telling myself all kinds of negative things about my talents and skills--that I shouldn't bother because it won't work anyway. And then I reminded myself of a few key truths:
* I'm powerless over my clients' workflow, cashflow, and other priorities--including whether my story works for them or not.
* Fear is normal before stepping outside your comfort zone.
And then I settled in for morning meditation. Here's the meditation I do every morning, and can be applied to anything in your life--but is especially important when you're getting ready to do marketing:
1. Settle in to your spot. Take several deep breaths, close your eyes and focus your thoughts on the middle distance, the cloudy fantasy world behind your eyes.
2. Now imagine yourself standing someplace serene and open your arms out to the side.
3. Think of the things you need to let go of: This can be the query, that fight you had with your mother-in-law or partner, your ego about another pitch getting rejected. But what I did this morning was envision my query--a single sheet of paper--unfurling from my center (the gut, or solar-plexus chakra, house of your power), unraveling up my chest, down my arm and away from my hand.
4. Keep breathing. As you let it go, take a deep exhale.
5. Imagine it now floating away. Feel what it feels like for it to leave you and for you to have no more control over it. Whatever panic, fear, etc., that comes up, notice it. But let that go, too--as if it were the strings hanging from a kite.
6. Take more deep breaths and keep imagining it till your anxiety response lessens and disappears.
7. Focus on that disappearing query with your mind's eye and fill it with love. Wish it well on its journey.
8. Imagine an unseen force scooping it up and taking it away. It belongs to your higher power now. Let it go. It's being taken care of.
Rinse and repeat. In other words, you may need to do this for up to two weeks before it takes. Letting go is a process not an event. Keep working at it--and then come up with alternative markets for your query, prepare it to go should your dream market foolishly pass on it, and talk talk talk to colleagues about it.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Serenity Tip: Facing Procrastination
We've all done it: We've cruised around our favorite message boards and silly Web sites, organized our desk, done laundry--anything but the task in front of us.
And then, if you're the least bit conscientious, you spend another few hours beating yourself for your lost productivity. Obviously, this can kill your serenity, and become an endless cycle.
So my gentle nudge of the day is to embrace your procrastination.
There are a few reasons to do this: First, if you're in a creative field, chances are your procrastination is part of your process. I have to constantly remind myself can also be another way of saying that I'm working out fine points or organizing thoughts subconsciously. It'll pass.
Second, and perhaps most importantly, if you don't accept it, your resistance will be worse than the procrastination itself.
So how do you get comfortable with it--and then overcome it? Start by getting to know why you're resisting in the first place. What's the fear? What's the anxiety?
Face it. And then assess what's realistic. It may also help to track your time to see what's taking you the longest and how you're really spending your time. You may find that what feels like procrastination to you is actually a reasonable amount of time to spend taking care of other, important items, like your spirituality or admin work.
If you find you still can't get yourself to work, procrastination might be a serious problem for you. In that case, consider these tips care of Procrastinators Anonymous:
And then, if you're the least bit conscientious, you spend another few hours beating yourself for your lost productivity. Obviously, this can kill your serenity, and become an endless cycle.
So my gentle nudge of the day is to embrace your procrastination.
There are a few reasons to do this: First, if you're in a creative field, chances are your procrastination is part of your process. I have to constantly remind myself can also be another way of saying that I'm working out fine points or organizing thoughts subconsciously. It'll pass.
Second, and perhaps most importantly, if you don't accept it, your resistance will be worse than the procrastination itself.
So how do you get comfortable with it--and then overcome it? Start by getting to know why you're resisting in the first place. What's the fear? What's the anxiety?
Face it. And then assess what's realistic. It may also help to track your time to see what's taking you the longest and how you're really spending your time. You may find that what feels like procrastination to you is actually a reasonable amount of time to spend taking care of other, important items, like your spirituality or admin work.
If you find you still can't get yourself to work, procrastination might be a serious problem for you. In that case, consider these tips care of Procrastinators Anonymous:
Break It Down: Break down projects into specific action steps; include preparation tasks in the breakdown.
Visualization: Plan what to do, then imagine yourself doing it. The more specific and vivid your visualization, the better. See yourself doing the task, and doing it well.
Focus on Long-Term Consequences: Procrastinators have a tendency to focus on short-term pleasure, and shut out awareness of long-term consequences. Remind yourself how panicked and awful you'll feel if the task isn't done, then imagine how good it will feel when the task is finished.
Avoid Time Bingeing: One reason procrastinators dread starting is that once they start they don't let themselves stop. Plan to work on a task for a defined period of time, then set a timer. When the timer goes off, you're done.
Use Small Blocks of Time: Procrastinators often have trouble doing tasks in incremental steps, and wait for big blocks of time that never come. When you have small blocks of time, use them to work on the task at hand.
Avoid Perfectionism: Procrastinators have a tendency to spend more time on a task than it warrants, so tasks that should be quick to do take an agonizingly long time. Notice this tendency and stop yourself. Some things require completion, not perfection.
Develop Routines: To help structure your day and make a habit of things you always need to do, develop routines for what you do when you wake up, regular tasks of your workday, and what you need to do before going to bed.
Bookend Tasks and Time: Use the Bookending board on the P.A. Web site to check in throughout the day, or at the beginning or end of specific tasks you are dreading.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Serenity Tip: Resiliency
A word about illness and my last post: I was, of course, being sarcastic when I said that illness itself is the enemy of serenity. It can feel that way: You've got work to do and you can't move and that can be a recipe for obsessive worrying and self-condemnation (why didn't I plan for this? Why didn't I wash my hands more, the way they tell you to?).
But the reality is that illness is part of life and part of that 99 percent we can't control.
But what we can foster is resiliency--that is, the ability to bounce back quickly after a challenge or illness leaves us down for the count.
If you want to foster resiliency, the key is to focus on the future instead of the past. Sure, I could spend today gnashing my teeth over the fact that I lost a few days of work last week, or I can think about how to proceed with this week.
I once read something (and I'm sorry I can't now recall the source) that said that the difference between successful people and people who can never quite get there is that the successful people treat obstacles as a chance to change their behavior in the future (for instance, "Now that I've been sick I'll know how to approach clients about deadlines and how to manage my time better. I'll know to let myself rest earlier and not to take certain medicines that made me sicker this time."). People who struggle with success spend all their time looking at the past (for instance, "WHY did I do that? Why? I must know before I can move on." Or, "See? The fact that I 'failed' this time is proof that I'm a failure.").
But don't fear. You can have a little of both and still be successful. The Life and Work Connection at the University of Arizona reminds us of something very important:
Resiliency occurs on a continuum (it's not an either/or proposition)
In other words, feel free to wallow and beat your self up for a few minutes. Then think about how you can use this experience to make you successful the next time you experience it.
And have no doubt: You will experience whatever it was again. As the Buddha says, you have to remember that bad things will happen. And you have to remember that the only thing you possess are your actions around it.
So what actions should you take to develop the resiliency muscle? According to the University of Arizona, these are the keys:
1. Self-soothing: This is essentially anything that interrupts your stress response. A lot of the techniques are in the letting go toolkit. Meditation, yoga, support and prayer are all great ways to soothe your rattled mind. But it can also include cardio exercise and affirmations that contradict the anxiety building in your body.
2. Self-confronting: Essentially, this is challenging those self-doubts and negative thoughts that belong to you and pop up over and over again. For me, those are usually fatalistic beliefs about my ability to sustain self-employment and the belief that I will starve no matter what I do. Your mileage may vary, but please don't doubt that you have these grubby monkey-mind thoughts. Your job is to soothe yourself enough to contradict those old beliefs that are steealing your serenity.
The key here is to do both together:
But the reality is that illness is part of life and part of that 99 percent we can't control.
But what we can foster is resiliency--that is, the ability to bounce back quickly after a challenge or illness leaves us down for the count.
If you want to foster resiliency, the key is to focus on the future instead of the past. Sure, I could spend today gnashing my teeth over the fact that I lost a few days of work last week, or I can think about how to proceed with this week.
I once read something (and I'm sorry I can't now recall the source) that said that the difference between successful people and people who can never quite get there is that the successful people treat obstacles as a chance to change their behavior in the future (for instance, "Now that I've been sick I'll know how to approach clients about deadlines and how to manage my time better. I'll know to let myself rest earlier and not to take certain medicines that made me sicker this time."). People who struggle with success spend all their time looking at the past (for instance, "WHY did I do that? Why? I must know before I can move on." Or, "See? The fact that I 'failed' this time is proof that I'm a failure.").
But don't fear. You can have a little of both and still be successful. The Life and Work Connection at the University of Arizona reminds us of something very important:
Resiliency occurs on a continuum (it's not an either/or proposition)
In other words, feel free to wallow and beat your self up for a few minutes. Then think about how you can use this experience to make you successful the next time you experience it.
And have no doubt: You will experience whatever it was again. As the Buddha says, you have to remember that bad things will happen. And you have to remember that the only thing you possess are your actions around it.
So what actions should you take to develop the resiliency muscle? According to the University of Arizona, these are the keys:
1. Self-soothing: This is essentially anything that interrupts your stress response. A lot of the techniques are in the letting go toolkit. Meditation, yoga, support and prayer are all great ways to soothe your rattled mind. But it can also include cardio exercise and affirmations that contradict the anxiety building in your body.
2. Self-confronting: Essentially, this is challenging those self-doubts and negative thoughts that belong to you and pop up over and over again. For me, those are usually fatalistic beliefs about my ability to sustain self-employment and the belief that I will starve no matter what I do. Your mileage may vary, but please don't doubt that you have these grubby monkey-mind thoughts. Your job is to soothe yourself enough to contradict those old beliefs that are steealing your serenity.
The key here is to do both together:
Focusing on building your resiliency does NOT mean that whatever is going on around you is okay or that you should accept it, because maybe your growth issue involves saying no or setting a boundary where you've been afraid to in the past.
Self-soothing without the self-confronting leads to avoidance. Typical examples of avoidant behavior include withdrawing, being demanding, emotionally-driven eating, substance abuse, etc.
Conversely, self-confronting without self-soothing can lead to you beating yourself up (not good). Everybody walks a different road. For you, growing may involve backing off and letting go of control of a situation. For someone else, it may mean that they need to take more charge of the situation. Don't judge yourself by comparing yourself to others.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Answer: The Letting Go Tool Kit
Recently someone asked a follow up question to my post on The 1 Percent Rule. Namely:
Aside from focusing on the 1%, how do you "hand over all that stuff to the
deity of my choice"?
First, I don't want to discount focusing on that 1 percent. Just like curbing cravings, don't underestimate the power of distraction. Just focusing your attention away from the maddening drone of Things You Can't Control can do wonders.
But once you've done that, I'll add that letting go of the uncontrollable 99 percent of my work and life isn't easy. It's one of the hardest things I do every day--harder even than marketing.
It takes vigilance and awareness, as well as clarity about what's my 1 percent and what's the rest. To wit, the things that help me most:
Meditation
It's often said and I experience regularly: Don't like what you're feeling? Don't worry. It'll pass. That aphorism becomes concrete in meditation or other mindful traditions, like prayer.
Anytime I notice my mind drifting in meditation, I note it and bring myself back, gently, to my breath or to the image on which I'm meditating.
That practice is priceless when I'm simply walking around my office and feeling that tight anxiety of things I can't control. Just like in meditation, I notice when my mind is back to asking Why hasn't that prospective client called/emailed?, for example. Then I notice it, practice detachment and remind myself, "None of my business. Let it go."
I've heard it said that "Why?" is not a spiritual question--but it's still a good one to ask if you're self-employed. If my question is, "Why hasn't that check arrived? It was supposed to be here last week," you better believe that my job is to call the client and inquire. But if the question is "Why isn't she calling me?" I have two choices: I can either call her myself, or I can let it go. I try to do both. I call, and then, no matter the outcome, I accept that I can't make things happen the way I always want and I let it go.
Support
Remember all those people I have in my life to support my business? This is one of the things I use them for. If meditation and mindfulness doesn't work, I call them so I can have someone outside my brain tell me to let it go. Sometimes just by talking to them, and by getting the reassurance that I'm doing everything I can (or by getting a new action step to take), I feel better. I'm back to my 1 percent.
Prayer
At some point, I have to say, those tenacious little worries just aren't going away on their own. That's when I call in the big guns. If I'm suffering something having to do with work--or my personal life--I try to interrupt my anxiety and my obsession by praying to whatever I believe in to have it removed. I will do this as many times as necessary throughout the day if it's really bothering me.
Yoga
It almost always helps if I can get myself out of my mind and into my body. When I'm worrying about something, or ruminating on that 99 percent, I'm almost always shrugging in my shoulders, holding my breath or breathing shallowly or contracting my chest wall. It helps me to go into a pose like legs-up-the-wall pose, fish pose supported by a bolster or blanket under my back, bridge pose or reclining bound angle pose.
Your mileage may vary. For you, it could just be a good run on a treadmill or some quality time with your elliptical machine. Clear your head. And then come back and see if it's any easier to focus on your 1 percent.
Aside from focusing on the 1%, how do you "hand over all that stuff to the
deity of my choice"?
First, I don't want to discount focusing on that 1 percent. Just like curbing cravings, don't underestimate the power of distraction. Just focusing your attention away from the maddening drone of Things You Can't Control can do wonders.
But once you've done that, I'll add that letting go of the uncontrollable 99 percent of my work and life isn't easy. It's one of the hardest things I do every day--harder even than marketing.
It takes vigilance and awareness, as well as clarity about what's my 1 percent and what's the rest. To wit, the things that help me most:
Meditation
It's often said and I experience regularly: Don't like what you're feeling? Don't worry. It'll pass. That aphorism becomes concrete in meditation or other mindful traditions, like prayer.
Anytime I notice my mind drifting in meditation, I note it and bring myself back, gently, to my breath or to the image on which I'm meditating.
That practice is priceless when I'm simply walking around my office and feeling that tight anxiety of things I can't control. Just like in meditation, I notice when my mind is back to asking Why hasn't that prospective client called/emailed?, for example. Then I notice it, practice detachment and remind myself, "None of my business. Let it go."
I've heard it said that "Why?" is not a spiritual question--but it's still a good one to ask if you're self-employed. If my question is, "Why hasn't that check arrived? It was supposed to be here last week," you better believe that my job is to call the client and inquire. But if the question is "Why isn't she calling me?" I have two choices: I can either call her myself, or I can let it go. I try to do both. I call, and then, no matter the outcome, I accept that I can't make things happen the way I always want and I let it go.
Support
Remember all those people I have in my life to support my business? This is one of the things I use them for. If meditation and mindfulness doesn't work, I call them so I can have someone outside my brain tell me to let it go. Sometimes just by talking to them, and by getting the reassurance that I'm doing everything I can (or by getting a new action step to take), I feel better. I'm back to my 1 percent.
Prayer
At some point, I have to say, those tenacious little worries just aren't going away on their own. That's when I call in the big guns. If I'm suffering something having to do with work--or my personal life--I try to interrupt my anxiety and my obsession by praying to whatever I believe in to have it removed. I will do this as many times as necessary throughout the day if it's really bothering me.
Yoga
It almost always helps if I can get myself out of my mind and into my body. When I'm worrying about something, or ruminating on that 99 percent, I'm almost always shrugging in my shoulders, holding my breath or breathing shallowly or contracting my chest wall. It helps me to go into a pose like legs-up-the-wall pose, fish pose supported by a bolster or blanket under my back, bridge pose or reclining bound angle pose.
Your mileage may vary. For you, it could just be a good run on a treadmill or some quality time with your elliptical machine. Clear your head. And then come back and see if it's any easier to focus on your 1 percent.
Monday, January 14, 2008
A Word about Forgiveness
When things aren't going your way--when a prospective client strings you along only to turn down your marketing efforts, when the computer breaks, when your kids are driving you nuts, when your deadline is approaching and a subcontractor flakes--that's the time when it can feel hardest to practice nongrasping or detachment.
But will you be surprised to hear that that's the time it can benefit you the most?
We cling so hard sometimes to our resentments--hoping that by sheer force of energy those by whom we feel wronged will get a flat tire or develop a dental emergency. But usually all that does is cause our own suffering and keep us from focusing on our 1 percent.
So instead, try something counter intuitive. Forgive them.
I know they're wrong and they should burn in the fiery pits. Forgive them anyway. I know they deserve a voodoo doll full of long, dull and painful pins.
Still forgive them.
Need help? Consider practicing metta, or loving-kindness.
Here's how it works: In the simplest sense, it's wishing good things for those you'd most like to see file bankruptcy (or perhaps just get a really nasty hangnail).
In the traditional Buddhist sense, it's a specific type of meditation in which you pray for specific things for the person you resent. The way I was taught it was to pray the following:
May you be free of pain.
May your body know peace.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.
I think there's a line or two in there I've forgotten since my first yoga teacher introduced me to it years ago.
So here's a more complete loving-kindness prayer, courtesy of YouTube:
But will you be surprised to hear that that's the time it can benefit you the most?
We cling so hard sometimes to our resentments--hoping that by sheer force of energy those by whom we feel wronged will get a flat tire or develop a dental emergency. But usually all that does is cause our own suffering and keep us from focusing on our 1 percent.
So instead, try something counter intuitive. Forgive them.
I know they're wrong and they should burn in the fiery pits. Forgive them anyway. I know they deserve a voodoo doll full of long, dull and painful pins.
Still forgive them.
Need help? Consider practicing metta, or loving-kindness.
Here's how it works: In the simplest sense, it's wishing good things for those you'd most like to see file bankruptcy (or perhaps just get a really nasty hangnail).
In the traditional Buddhist sense, it's a specific type of meditation in which you pray for specific things for the person you resent. The way I was taught it was to pray the following:
May you be free of pain.
May your body know peace.
May you be filled with loving-kindness.
I think there's a line or two in there I've forgotten since my first yoga teacher introduced me to it years ago.
So here's a more complete loving-kindness prayer, courtesy of YouTube:
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